How (not) to Negotiate a Pay Rise
Asking for a pay rise can be daunting, and let’s face it, many of us approach it in an extremely amateurish way. Here are ten negotiating points to avoid. We have come heard of at least eight of them being used by candidates with clients over the years!
1. My Mum Told Me To Ask
Start by confidently declaring, “my mum said I should ask you for a pay rise.” After all, who wouldn’t trust the judgement of your mother?
2. Use Blackmail Techniques
Open negotiations with: “Give me a pay rise, or I’ll go on Glassdoor and say how rubbish you are”.
3. Burst into Tears Immediately
Why articulate your points clearly when you can sob uncontrollably instead? You could throw in a few unfortunate circumstances – eg your dog died recently – and go for the sympathy vote.
4. Go Out Drinking and Text Your Boss at 2am
Go out to the pub, have a few pints, build up a bit of Dutch courage and send your boss a text message asking for more money in the early hours. This clearly demonstrates your dedication and professionalism.
5. Threaten to Quit (Then Backtrack Rapidly)
Dramatically announce your resignation, pause for impact, then hastily retract with: “Only joking, unless you give me a pay rise.”
6. Point Out How Much a Train Driver Earns
“The average train driver gets £65,000 a year so can I have a pay rise please” – this is guaranteed to work, even though you are not a member of one of the strongest trade unions in the history of the TUC.
7. Point Out You Are Not Getting Any Younger
Make a reference to your age, your hair line and wrinkles, and make the very reasonable point that you are growing older and should therefore get paid more. Makes so much sense.
8. Ask for Flexible Working Hours First
Negotiate flexible working hours and then immediately ask for a pay rise. Works every time..
9. Reference Celebrity Salaries
“If Gary Lineker gets millions for crisps, surely I deserve a pay rise?” Solid logic.
10. Promise to Work Harder
Reassure your boss with enthusiasm: “If I get this pay rise, I will start working really hard.”
